Updated: Oct 28, 2021
On the day you were born, a dream came true. For years I had imagined what it might be like to become a mom. For months, I had caressed my growing stomach and longed for the moment when you would be placed in my arms. When your eyes met mine for the first time, the wonderous miracle of you took my breath away. Your big, alert eyes seemed to intently study the excited faces peering down at you. Your serious expression made everyone laugh.
Becoming your mom was as terrifying as it was wonderful. I didn’t know what I was doing and everything was foreign to me. I just hoped your Dad and I could keep you alive. I would lay in our dark room and listen to the steady sound of your breathing. Still, I felt the need to get up and make sure you were okay. That need didn’t go away as you grew. I’ve opened the door of your room and peeked in at your sleeping form countless times. I’ve often sat on the side of your bed as you’ve slept and prayed over you while tenderly running my hand over your soft head.
Mornings were my favorite when you were younger. I would listen for the sound of your bedroom door opening, the patter of your little feet against the hardwood floor, and your happy voice saying, “Mommy!” You would run into my arms and cuddle. It was the best way to start the day (better than any cup of coffee).
It’s been said that the days are long, but the years are short. It’s a true observation. You’ve transformed before my eyes – from serious infant, silly toddler, observant boy, to wonderful (even when moody) pre-teen. Every stage has held its own share of challenges and joys. Sometimes I miss the “little” days, but I’m discovering the fun of the present with you. I love your smile, the way your eyes light up when you’re excited, and even your ornery laugh after you’ve managed to scare me – again.
Every day is a reminder of how much I need God in this incredible journey of being your mom. Even though I want to love well, care for, and protect you, there are countless ways I fall short. You have a front row view of my sinful heart, but I continually pray He will use even that to reveal His presence and greatness to you. One of my strongest desires and hopes is that you will intimately know and walk with the Rescuer all your days.
The world has much to offer and lies can sound so right. Much will be more enticing than you can imagine right now. Sin can give pleasure – for a season. I hope you will come to understand, without too much heartache, that lasting satisfaction and completion can only ever be found in Christ. His way really is best even when it’s hard to understand and harder still to sacrifice what the heart longs to cling to like silly putty on eyelashes (now THAT is a family story we can laugh about for years)!
As you continue to grow, there will be struggle and pain. I hope you come to better know the God of all – even the wilderness places. You will make wrong choices along the way. When you do, I want you to remember that you are greatly loved by God and by us. When you sin, make mistakes, and want to hide in fear or shame, remember this: Nothing can ever separate you from the love of God. Nothing will ever make your Dad and I stop loving you. You can always come home. Even when it’s scary or hard, we want to sit together before the Savior, Healer, Counselor, and Redeemer.
Your Dad and I gave you names that have several meanings: Warrior, Brave, Strong in Battle, and Gift of God. I pray that God will shape you to be all those things and more because, since you are His, you are called to be a light that shines in darkness.
As we celebrate the 13 years God’s given and look to the future, I want to share 13 prayers I have for you – my firstborn son:
1. That you will seek and love the Lord above all else and hunger for His word
2. That you will be confident of who God is and who you are in Him
3. That you will have an obedient heart that is tender and trustfully responsive to God’s calling and correction
4. That you will be a humble man of integrity who thinks of others before himself
5. That you will practice wisdom, be able to discern what is True, and be quick to seek and receive God’s forgiveness when you’ve sinned
6. That you will be pure of heart and mind
7. That you will desire the approval of God above men
8. That you will have strong conviction and courage to stand for Truth no matter the cost
9. That you will see the unseen, speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, and care for the vulnerable
10. That you will be a generous, hardworking man with a servant’s heart
11. That you will be kind, compassionate, and quick to forgive
12. That you will be given strong faith and will call to the Lord in times of unbelief
13. That you will rely on His strength and quick to give God glory
On the day you were born, a dream came true. For years I had imagined what it might be like to become a mom. There is no way I could have known what it would really be like (good thing because blow-out diapers and projectile vomit are terrifying) or what the last 13 years would hold. There is no way I can know what will come. This I do know: You are a gift and constant source of joy to my heart. It is my greatest privilege to be the one who gets to be your mom. We can learn to trust the Author of our days together and, no matter how much changes over the years, you will always have my heart.
I love you,